WARNING: This contains very strong, passionate feelings about certain rather delicate subjects. This is a rant purely so that I can take out my anger on something that won't bleed. Feel free to ignore it. If not, I'm not forcing these opinions on you, I'm just putting my own out there for the record. Also, this is not directed towards anyone in particular, so none of the people reading this have to worry about me being mad at you.


I appreciate when people tell me their troubles. I really do. It means that I have a chance to help. And I really do like trying. But I can only give you words. I can't do everything for you, do all the work just so that you can have the reward while I slip back down to the bottom and have to start all over again. Sometimes I don't mind doing that.

But when you repeatedly put yourself through the same god-forsaken cycle over and over again, letting people push you around, beat you up, break you, destroy your life, then come to me to ask for help, I can only do so much. I can defend you for a little while, try to give you some confidence in yourself. But I cannot fight your battles. I will not. I will not just stand by and take all the hits for you while you sit back and watch. I blatantly refuse to keep giving people advice when all they do is throw it back in my face, refuse to use it as an option, or accept it at first then come back to me with the same problem time and time again because they didn't actually try.

I understand that I'm a freak for being able to stay emotionless and passive about so many shitty things that happen in my life. I understand that not everyone can do that. But for god's sake, why do three little words mean so much to you?! Why does the whole world have to revolve around that one emotion?! I've experienced it, yes, and I wouldn't mind having it again one day.

But I do not freaking make it the excuse to let people torture me body and soul, when the real reason is because I'm so fucking afraid to be alone that I delude myself into believing that arguments, lust, and/or constant break-ups and get-togethers is 'true love.'

I do believe that true love exists. I believe that it is the ability to forgive anything that a person does to you, willingness to do anything for the other, and the strange ability to be happy around each other and forget all your problems, or somehow find a solution to the problems together. You can tell each other anything and everything, and you still manage to seem perfect to each other. When something bad happens, the first person you think about is that one person. When you are with that person, it doesn't matter what will happen, because you have that inexplicable feeling that as long as you two are together, everything will be alright. Sometimes it can lead to arguments. Sometimes it can lead to sex. Sometimes it leads to two people being very happy together for the rest of their lives. But it is not something that just comes easily as breathing. You do actually have to work at it. Just because someone says those three little words does not mean that they actually mean it.

Love hurts. It does. Because when you give your heart to the wrong person, you'll usually have it torn to pieces in front of your very eyes. You'll feel that pain every night while you try to sleep, and that pain will only go away if you find the right person. That does NOT mean that you should go around giving your heart to everyone that you feel mildly attracted to! Physical attraction=LUST, not love. Love is when you can look at anyone and see what's really there. Love is not expecting anything from that person other than their heart in return for yours. Love is wanting to get that person something just because. Love is laughing and joking. Love is crying and feeling safe. Love is slipping and falling and having them catch you.

Love is not pain. It's not anger. It's not jealousy. It isn't coming home drunk and finding that your punchbag made dinner for you. It isn't controlling everything about them. It isn't manipulating them just so that you don't get in trouble or hurt. It isn't just hurting someone because you're bored.

Love isn't black and white, either. There's different kinds of love just as there's different kinds of people. Everything is different, but yet they're all the same. The smallest differences that make you like some, different from others. So in a sense, love is black and white. The color black is a mesh of many different colors. The color white is an absence of color. Blackness is the absence of light, and white light is all colors combined. There is no real definition for love, because it's something that can't be defined. It's everything and nothing.

You can't go out looking for love, because if you do, you'll find nothing but lust and heartbreak. If you aren't happy with what you have, then you'll never be happy with anything you get. It's good to be ambitious, but you've got to know that sometimes it's just better to sit back and not fight the flow. Sometimes it's better to follow. Sometimes it's better to lead. It's better to be flexible than rigid, because then you can never break. It's better to settle for less. When you do, you'll find it's a hell of a lot easier to find things to be happy about and grateful for. And then you'll find that more and more good things happen to you.

I thoroughly enjoy it when people trust me enough to tell me their secrets. To ask if I have any advice. It makes me feel like I'm actually intelligent. I'll be honest- half the time, the advice that I give is stuff I pull out of my ass from book quotations. However, it's tried by myself, and so far the advice that I give works pretty well for me (again, maybe that's because I'm an emotionless bitch).

But for Pete's- no wait, screw Pete- YOUR sake, if you want me to help you, then you have to actually get off your ass and try!


PS- I love all of my friends very dearly, and my above definition of love is based off of those emotions. If you know me in real life as well as on here, chances are that you are in my circle of 'the Loved'. You guys are my family, and though you'll all hate me eventually _{such is my lot in life}, I trust you because I love you.

No, I'm not being creepy. Just honest.